A BatmanHeisenberg and PsychoManiacJacky Production:
We wanted someone who has proven his worth as a director. His work on the Expendables is truly remarkable.
Sarah has never written, but she will in this movie and will do excellent. Miley has written a book, and it’s amazing. They will kick ass and win the Oscar, and of course, the prestigious Razzie.
Le Plot:
The Cobra Commander and the freaky toddler sun from Teletubbies team up to take over the world. Only one thing stands in there absolutely stupid [frick]ing plan: Pretty much all the popular kid show and cartoon characters.
Given the absolute laziness of the writer and C.S.A of this project, all the ensemble cast from different shows will be played by the same characters. Then they recast those guys in different roles. Like seriously guys, put some [frick]ing effort in your projects. Jeez. And now I know why the last guy quit!!! These projects have little effort put in and they sound like the worst [frick]ing things ever! I QUIT!!
*Newer trailer guy walks out of the studio, and BatmanHeisenberg pulls out his whip and whips him in the ass so many times his ass looks like Sarah Jessica Parker. He died from a hernia a week later.*
We apologize, Jacky and BatmanHeisenberg, for the atrocious asshole. We hope this doesn't affect your interest in this film. However, that doesn't matter. If you don’t see it, we will kill you.
Nonetheless, Barney must stop the Sun and Cobra Commander from ruling everything. Their plan? TO cover the world in assless chaps!!! Barney must team up with all the world’s famous kid show and cartoon characters to end the evil toddler sun and cobra commander’s reign!!!! Or else, they will wear assless chaps forever.
Rating: NC-17
Because the film is going to have blood, gore, violence, and non stop sex! We are pushing the envelope. Like seriously, we not only ripped that [frick]ing envelope, but we shit, killed and had sex on it. Got a [frick]ing problem? Just pretend you’re the envelope we just [frick]ing [frick]ed the [frick]ed up. [frick]!!!
The Wiggles are a bunch of crazy, hoolligons who will make a dramatic, thoughtful soundtrack for this masterpiece of a film. We truly are honored having their majesty on our team.
Barney is no longer a lovable, purple dinosaur, but rather a purple vested, one armed badass. He has a smoking habit and needs some gum or some shit. He has a fetish for dinosaurs. He is a completely normal, fun guy.
The Teletubbies will be a group of bandits who rob people. They will also be under the influence of various drugs and alcohols at all times. But when Barney calls them in, they must go sober for a day to take down the cobra commander and the sun. Oh, and Gusto is playing them, because who better then gusto?
Cobra Commander is a ruthless and heartless man. So we chose the evil man named cipher. He will mostly stick around, drinking some homemade brew.
Cage is an actor with lots of range, and will make this sweet, innocent baby sun into a heartless, demented cruel sun with over one billion crimes under his belt. It truly will be a terrible, awful character.
She is half-horse, so why can’t she play a cat and a mouse? We didn’t have much say, she would walk out if we didn’t cast her, so our hands were tied.
Sylvester wanted to shave his head and run around with his clothes off in this film, so we chose Aang. He will do this airbender justice, and give Aang the right balance as a fresh new take on the bald Avatar. And no, not the blue one. [frick] the blue one.
Yeah, that kid who dragged Tony around, whatever his name is. He will make Ben 10 an amazing character with a lot of emotional depth. Ben 10 will mostly just annoy Barney to the point where Barney shoots him.
Giamatti is a god damn fine actor that doesn’t play his roles, he becomes his roles. Goku in essence is much like Giamatti. They are both warriors and titans of a world that doesn’t really understand em. Can you seriously understand what Giamatti is saying half the time? Who cares he is simply Goku!
Getting Fred and Barney to play themselves would be so stone aged, we need someone young and hip and alive! In comes Abigail Breslin for the hardcore stoned roles! She will rock your world and make yah sing yabba dabba [frick]ing doo before yah even blink!
So Malkovich likes to sing and act goofy and crazy. He also likes to wear wigs. There, now isn’t this the perfect person to play Hannah Montana? Fan girls will be screaming once this gem comes out!
Tom is usurping Nicholas Cage as the person who plays everyone. His first move? Playing everyone’s favorite sea creatures, of course!! He will actually dress as all the characters, so you know how committed to usurping Nicholas Cage as king of memes, and the universe as well.
When that Inspector Gadget theme song plays, you will think of Dinklage. That short brave warrior coming in and transforming and doing all kinds of crazy stuff with his little gadgets.
Samurai Jack is a fierce, honourable warrior. So why not Andy Samberg? We want someone who can give Jack the right amount of zest! Andy will mostly smile and show his beautiful, hairy ass. While most may say this is worse than every casting ever, to you I say that we know where you live, and we hope you have a wonderful day.
Nicholas needs to be a hairy cat. He has done it before, and will do it again. Not much else needs to be said.
Nicholas will spray paint himself in blue lead paint to show his commitment as these lovable, blue midgets. As the Smurfs, Nicholas will mostly just have a rape face, distantly staring at all the cast, scratching his balls.
The Looney Toons are well, Looney, in the head. So was Gollum in the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies. So why can’t Serkis play the Looney Toons? All the Toons will wear strait jackets. They will mostly just stick in an asylum.
Ron Perlman likes to play weird characters so sure let’s get him to play those guys. Perfect voice also that would make yah shit your pants all over. Seriously Mickey with Perlman’s voice, just hearing that would make yah grow an extra nut and probably some more hair all over yah.
Bender is a rude and inappropriate robot and Fry is some lazy slacker, Sean Connery hasn’t done much these days so I guess it fits his profile in both ways. He was a great actor till a film put him on relapse and in much ways he is now both Fry and Bender. If you don’t know what’s good for yah then you know this is perfect.
Sailor Moon is A heroic warrior princess with magical powers and can kick lots of butt. Danny will be great in the role. Giving Sailor Moon the right hairy and roundness only he and Dick Cheney will be able to give is perfect. Dick turned down the role, so we chose Danny.
He played Planet once, lets have him do it again. Nothing else needs to be said.
When you hear Chloe Grace Moretz name you probably get the feeling of something big growing within yah, it probably just makes yah tingle all over inside and gives yah a weird feeling. It’s a magically feeling much like these characters from The Simpsons. Heck Chloe Grace Moretz can play any damn role she wants and this is what she’s getting, deal with it.
Peter, Lois, and Stewie are a bunch of martial arts experts who fight crazy shit everyday like Peter fought a chicken once, wtf? So yeah we are getting Jackie Chan to play these characters because they need someone with expert skills in order to translate within another medium. Chan can act funny and act stupid so yeah he is these characters.
Those characters from South Park in a way are very mystical and fat and jewish. So Leonard played a Vulcan, why not a bunch of weirdly animated foul mouthed children? He is awesome, and you are a shit in comparison. So [frick]ing eat what we give you, shithead.
Jet Li as Ash, move the [frick] out the way you other Pokemon Trainers cause this guy will [frick] you up now! This would totally be a kickass role along with his badass sidekick Pikachu kickin nuts and more nuts than you can ever chew! Jet Li would be throwing em pokeballs left side and right side up before you can say cow shits and runny shits!
Jim is a versatile, great actor. So as the Powerpuff girls, he will show his beautiful body as he fights the evil Cobra Commander. But this time, the girls are really just a delusional man with Multi-Personality Disorder, who thinks he fights a green monkey, but really is just an old man with hairy legs.
You ever ate a Rob Schneider sandwich? You know what it’s like, watching 1 hour of those damn turtles just sit around and eat pizza all day long. So yeah in a many ways Schneider is literally a [frick]ing turtle. Except he always likes to come out his shell and say some of the stupidest shit ever. Rob Schneider is about as trashy as Leonardo and the lot of em, he would own the roles.
Will be appearing in the after credits scene only. Okay?
Will be appearing in the after credits scene only. OKAY?
Will be appearing in the after credits scene only. YOU [frick]ING UNDERSTAND ME?!
Will be appearing in the after credits scene only. IT IS OKAY IF I COPIED AND PASTED THAT STATEMENT!!! JUST READ THE [frick]ING AFTER CREDITS SCENE!!!
MID CREDITS SCENE:
Cobra Commander and The Freaky Toddler Sun scowl and run from being put in prison. They get a call.
VOICE ON PHONE: This is Ron Jeremy. I hear you like assless Chaps. I may have a job for you….
AFTER CREDITS SCENE:(and no, its fine there are two [frick]ing credit scenes. Avengers did it, we can [frick]ing do it. Just shut the [frick] up and enjoy it, asshole.)
Barney, after defeating the Cobra Commander and The Toddler sun, hears a ring from his phone. He picks it up.
BARNEY: Heeeelllo? Is this the police? If so, please, I don’t want to be arrested again for being too damn sexy. I served my time, now let me be!!!
VOICE ON TELEPHONE: I want you to meet me at the docks. Tonight. We have a war to fight, and we need you and your teletubbie friends there.
BARNEY: Is this Paul Blart, a cop from a mall?
VOICE ON TELEPHONE: …...no……
BARNEY: Okay. I believe you. I’ll be there tonight with my teletubbie bitches.
Barney is there at the docks, and he has no pants on. He is impatiently looking at his wrist clock, and the teletubbies finally show up.
EXT: DOCKS
BARNEY: Where the hell were you guys?
PO: [frick] you, man, we were getting laid and now we’re hungover.
BARNEY: What have I told you about drinking before a meeting?
DIPSY: Just shut up fatass.
RoboCop, Dora, Jules Winfield and Vincent Vega all show up and RoboCop reaches out his hand.
ROBOCOP: We want you to join the Speedo Initiative.
JULES WINFIELD: Join baby. Like my baby, North West. We all kick ass and fight crime, and my wife, Kim watches and cheers us on.
VINCENT VEGA: Yeah baby! Do you wanna join? SO groovy baby, yeah!
DORA: In Spanish, yes means si. You better say si before I whoop your ass, and sell your ass to the drug trade.
BARNEY: Si, I would like to join. And I knew you were Paul Blart! Asshole liar!! Do we have to wear Speedos though?
RoboCop smiles.
Coming Soon: