Plot:
(Note: The trailer guy died of ass cancer, so he is no longer with us. We now have a more competent, less prone to ass cancer new trailer guy. Enjoy the show!)
Errr, hi guys. Due to the complete laziness and lack of confidence in our writers, this film has copyright infringement out of the ass. Nonetheless, this will retell the unforgettable 90’s classic. This time, however, it is a tragic retake told through the eyes of Marsellus Wallace.
Most things will be changed, eerily similar to scene’s from other films. Like so similar they didn’t even change the names on the script in the dialogue. They couldn’t even copy paste names from this film to the other scene. Seriously, guys. That’s [frick]ing lazy.
As fans still quote the living hell out of the 90’ classic, watch as all your favorite lines are lifted and replaced with quotes from much better films. We would tell you what films, but Shia doesn’t want another “art” exhibit. It sounds so much better and is an unforgettable, modern take!
While you may think Dora XXX and RoboCop weren’t connected, you were [frick]ing wrong my friend!! Our continuity will [frick] with your brain and make you more confused then watching the X-Men films! It surely will be a great cinematic universe.
On Shyamalan:
Showing his worth in the After Earth and The Last Airbender films, Shyamalan is a versatile director with a lot of potential. He will turn this film into a franchise starter. As director, he will take the great script and make a masterpiece of a film.
On Shia:
Already proving he can do original material with his TOTALLY ORIGINAL film HowardCantour.Com, Shia has shown he knows how to write original material. So him making a remake of Pulp Fiction is totally within reach. And if you watch this film and think he stole from Indiana Jones 4 or the Transformers films, you are just hallucinating. Even if they say the names from the other films, it is NOT copyright infringement, nor did he even use it.
Soundtrack:
Pulp Fiction was very popular for it’s soundtrack, so the idea is to best the soundtrack. So we handpicked the best artists to best the original. The full list of artists follows:
The Jonas Brothers
Justin Bieber
Miley Cyrus
Britney Spears
and Introducing: Mike Myers!
Cast:
We believe this could be a major sequel to the critical hits Love Guru and Austin Powers. Like he is a dual personality, playing the two in different sequences. Myers has proved he is perfect to do any role, so it is only right he takes the reins as Vincent Vega.
He played Pat Novak in our RoboCop remake remake, who funnily enough was last played by Samuel L. Jackson, who originally played Jules. So, since he already proved he can play a role previously played by Sam, why not another? Jules will be heavily changed to make him into a rapping sensation, as he co-sings with Brittney’s character Jody. He will also wear assless chaps.
Mia was considered to be edgy and sexy in the 90’s film. So to make her more edgy, and more sexy, we chose Miley to play her. Miley will recreate the character. Instead of sniffing more cocaine than Charlie Sheen, Miley will smoke more marijuana than Harold and Kumar, in an unforgettable take.
Jesse is (hopefully) going to play a bald bad guy in the upcoming untitled Batman/Superman flick, so why not have him play a balding boxer? This film will vaguely be a sequel to Zombieland, so Jesse can reprise his role and recreate Butch into an evil, annoying college kid.
Marsellus and Vincent are THE most changed characters in this film, so Marsellus is simply now a tragic, misunderstood character who gets taken advantage of by the evil Jesse Eisenberg’s Butch. So who better to play him then Justin? He is pretty g for gangsta, and can give us a soft, heartfelt take on this character. And the one thing that will absolutely stay in the script is the tragic rape scene.
Proving her worth in her television series, Honey Boo-Boo will shine as Pumpkin’s lovable girlfriend. Also, they both love honey, so why not cast this starlet as Honey Bunny? She will shine as she eats buckets of lard instead of saying her lines.
Robert has proved his worth by playing Edward in the Twilight franchise. So why not play Pumpkin? He will mostly stay adjacent during the film, staring at Honey Bunny choking down her lard buckets, and mumbling his lines. The Oscar is in the bag for him.
Keanu is not the same character in every film, as many think. He will recreate “The Wolf” from a cunning, suave and badass character to a blank, soul-less interpretation that would make the Devil shiver and Harvey Keitel proud.
Yes, the cartoon character! Lance is the living, breathing Shaggy in the original, so why not have Shaggy play him? Hell, he could bring his whole gang and the mystery van!
Fabienne was the attractive french girlfriend of Butch. So who better to play her then Gerard? As an attractive, french man, he can give Fabienne the necessary sexiness that her character so desperately needs. And isn’t that nose just adorable? You just can’t say no to that!
Her career is considered dead. But this movie will make Lance’s girlfriend a sexy, pop singing sensation with Kanye West, turned piercing expert, which will launch Britney back into stardom. She probably will shave her head for this role.
Arnold is bomb, and clearly a better actor than Christopher Walken. Not much else needs to be said. He will OWN this role, just watch him as Mr. Freeze.
Gusto is a sex obsessed old man. He can give this sex slave the proper chops, as well as rockin’ those assless chaps. Gusto will probably not do very well, since Miley is in this film and he can’t read his lines without staring at Miley.
Since he is contributing to the original soundtrack, we thought he could play the perverted pawn shop owner, because we are [frick]in’ lazy. He will stare at Kevin as he brutally pumps Justin Bieber’s Marsellus Wallace.
Shia recreated the popular scene in which he gets shot. However, after his death, his blood on the floor spells: I’m sorry Dan Clowes. Even though he CLEARLY didn’t infringe. Shia believes it to be his redemption for his alleged infringement.
Marvin got his head shot, and thats all he was for, so Val is just there because he needs taco bell money for the next week, and he came and begged us for the job. To make him work for his money, we had him participate in the rape scene of Marsellus. That Val really was willing to do anything for Taco Bell money.
Esmarelda Villalobos was the death obsessed taxi driver of Butch, so to play her we chose the real life, living breathing Esmeralda. Marilyn will mostly just stare at Butch, and whip him a few times.
After Dora became ruler of everything, she stopped by the set and just shit on the burger Mia was eating, and walked away. After Jason’s Oscar winning performance, it was only fair that he would reprise his role of the cute little Latina explorer.
Kevin, as a continuation in his role as Paul Blart/RoboCop, will not only have a action scene almost exactly like one of the scenes in RoboCop On Ice, but also will be pretending to be Zed. This should be blamed on our incompetent casting director, who said it makes sense because they are both police officers. Kevin will actually have sex with Justin to prove how dedicated he truly is to this role.
If you are doubting this awesome movie(however impossible as it may be…) We have something to sway you.
DIALOGUE SAMPLE(which TOTALLY did NOT lift from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen or any Transformer film):
“Interior shot, camera slowly fades in, dark room”
Vincent Vega: You won't give me a day, huh? You won't give me one day in college?
Jules Winfield: I'm sorry, Sam, but the last fragment of the All Spark was stolen.
Vincent Vega: Like what? Like Decepticons stole it?
Jules Winfield: We placed it under human protection at your government's request... but I'm here for your help, Sam, because your leaders believe we brought vengeance upon your planet. Perhaps they are right. That is why they must be reminded by another human of the trust we share.
Vincent Vega: This isn't my war!
Jules Winfield: Not yet. But I fear it soon will be. Your world must not share the same fate as Cybertron. Whole generations lost...
Vincent Vega: I know, and I want to help you, I do, but I am not some alien ambassador, you know? I'm a normal kid with normal problems. I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry, I... I really am.
Jules Winfield: Sam, fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.
Vincent Vega: You're Optimus Prime. You don't need me.
[Sam walks away]
Jules Winfield: We do, more than you know.
If THIS didn’t convince you of the hard work Shia put in, then I don’t know what will.
Special Message
Thanks to PsychoManiacJacky, his work has been phenomenal to this cinematic universe we are starting. To clear things up, Jacky is no longer my master, and I am usurping his throne and becoming leader of everything, taking Dora’s role. Also, R.I.P Old Trailer Guy. Your ass cancer has not been forgotten.