Setup: *A daily pitch meeting at WB Studios*
Executive #1: How are people responding to the Batman V. Superman trailer?
Executive #2: They love it.
Exec #1: Terrific, this is just what we need.
Exec #2: But...
Exec #1: What?
Exec #2: They aren't a big fan of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor yet.
Exec #1: Damn it. I told you we should have cast Stanley Tucci. Anyway, what did the think of the Suicide Sqaud trailer?
Exec #2: They like the stuff with Joker, Harley Quinn, and Amanda Waller.
Exec #1: And?
Exec #2: That's it.
Exec #1: Damn it, I'll bet it was Jai Courtney's fault. Let's face it. Barely anyone is lokking forward to our Dc movies. Even if we have Phil Lord & Chris Miller doing the Flash. People are just too busy comparing us to Marvel.
Exec #2: You're right, we need something new. Something people will love us for. Something that will set us aoart from Marvel, that people will love anyway.
Random Voice: I CAN HELP WITH THAT.
*A woman enters the room*
Exec #1: Who are you.
Woman: Well, I am...
WRITER: STEPHANIE MEYER
Execs: Who?
Meyer: I am responsible for writing the Twilight Saga.
Exec #2: That's a billion dollar franchise!
Meyer: And I'm here to help you with yours. I have written a draft for JLA.
Exec #1: I'm not sure. I'll call Zack Snyder and see what he thinks.
Meyer: No. I have a different director singed on
Exec #2: But we already have him signed on.
Meyer: Because I already have another director signed on...
DIRECTOR: JAMES NGUYEN
Execs: Who?
Meyer: The director of Birdemic: Shock & Terror. People on the internet talk about that movie all the time! That mean that they must love it.
Exec #1: I don't know. Let me call the cast.
Meyer: No
Exec #2: What?
Meyer: Because Cavill doesn't have the Superman curl. Affleck already played a Superhero. Gal Gadot doesn't have muscle. Ray Fisher was never in a movie. Momoa isn't blonde. And Ezra Miller is gay.
Exec #1: Ezra can't play the Flash because he's gay? But it's 2015.
Meyer: Too bad. I have a different cast ready...
CAST:
ASHTON KUTCHER AS CLARK KENT / SUPERMAN
HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN AS BRUCE WAYNE / BATMAN
KIM KARDASHIAN AS DIANA PRINCE / WONDER WOMAN
KEVIN JAMES AS HAL JORDAN / GREEN LANTERN
JUSTIN BIEBER AS WALLY WEST / THE FLASH II
LUCAS BLACK AS ARTHUR CURRY / AQUAMAN
TOMMY WISEAU AS MARTIAN MANHUNTER
Exec #2: That sounds like...
Meyer: So you like it. GREAT! I shall take my check...
Exec #1: I want to see the script.
Meyer: Uh, no you don't. The execs who greenlit Twilight didn't need to...
*The Execs snatch the script from her hands*
Execs: *reading the script out load*
Wonder Woman: I can't fight unless I have a boyfriend.
Aquaman: I'M A SPIDERMONKEY!
Green Lantern: I'm the same temprature as space now.
Flash: I'm faster than my own personal brand of heroin.
Martian Manhunter: And the Martian fell in love with the lamb.
Superman: Beautiful? This is the skin of a killer, Lois... I'm a killer.
Batman: BatPain.
*The Execs look up at Meyer*
Meyer: So you guys like it? Of course you do. I'll take my check now.
*Two weeks later*
News Reporter: This just in, Stephanie Meyer's dead body was found in a ditch this moring and the whole world is throwing a pary to celebrate. People claim that it was two WB executives have killed her, and staues of them will be put up in their honor. Also, they just cast Ryan Gosling & Chiwetel Ejiofor as Green Lanterns Hal Jordon & John Stewart, so even more reason to celebrate.
THE END!