It was called X-Men: Worst Class. I thought it was pretty funny, as it featured Kevin Bacon forcing a young Erik Lensherr’s mother to watch X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a very drunk Charles Xavier hitting on a coat rack (“Multiple arms is a groovy mutation,”) and plenty of creative reimagining of character’s names, like Azazel becoming Lazy Gazelle, and Moira MacTaggert becoming Moira MacTagyourit.
Unfortunately, the computer that I was storing the parody on crashed, and I have not been able to recover the files. For some reason, I E-mailed a portion of the parody to myself. After editing it a bit, I decided to share it with my fellow comic book movie fans! Let me know what you think!
Raven and Hank sat in one of the lounge rooms at the CIA’s headquarters. They were hanging out with the new recruits, Sean, Alex, Angel, and Armando.
“We should come up with code names!” Raven randomly exclaimed.
“Why?” Hank asked.
“Because we are average teenagers! And when average teenagers hang out, they come up with secret code names! The writers of this movie consulted with an actual teenager!”
An awkward silence followed.
Finally, Raven spoke up. “I want to be called Mistake!”
“Aw, that’s what I wanted to be called!” Sean said.
“Well, tough, I called it. It’s a nickname my mom used to have for me. What about you, Armondo?”
“My nickname is already Evolution Boy, and I think it’s pretty self-explanatory.” Then he pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head.
Everyone in the room gasped. “Did he just…” Angel said, not bearing to finish the thought.
Fortunately, half of Evolution Boy’s head had turned into kevlar, blocking the bullet.
“Oh, thank goodness,” Angel said, “because if he had died, right in front of me, I would be really, really sad. Especially if he died trying to save me, I definitely would be very grateful.”
“What about you, Sean?" Evolution Boy asked.
Sean thought hard for a moment. "I want to be called... Banshee."
"Why do you want to be named after a wailing, female spirit?" Hank asked.
"Wait a second, Banshees were girls? And they hunted whales? Thanks, buddy, I'm definitely choosing a different name!" Sean said.
"No, I meant that..." Hank began to say, "never mind, what have you decided on?"
"I'll go with... Old Yeller. And I'll show you why." Sean walked over to the coffee table, and crouched down. "You might want to cover your ears."
After everyone had, Old Yeller took a deep breath, and screamed as loud as he could. The force of his scream flipped the table into the air, and sent it flying and crashing through the large glass window in front of him. A CIA agent happened to walk by at that exact moment, and was struck by the table. He dropped to the ground, unconscious.
"Do you think he's seriously injured?" Hank asked, looking alarmed.
"Nah, he's probably fine." Raven replied. "Angel, what do you want to be called?"
"My stage name is Tempest, but I don't want to be called that," she said, taking off her jacket and revealing her wings.
"Wow! You can fly?" Raven said.
"Yup, and this," Angel said, turning towards the now broken window. She took a deep breath, then she vomited across the room. The vomit landed on the unconscious man. "Oops, I was aiming for that statue."
"I've got one for you," Alex told her, "the Throw Up Fairy."
"Sounds good," Angel replied, "what's your name?" she said as she turned to Hank.
Hank looked uncomfortable. "Hey, I've got one for him too!" Alex said. "Nerd Boy."
Raven was not amused. She turned to Alex. "Hey! Nerds are sexy! Don't you ever forget that! Especially when they have big feet!"
"You really think so?" Hank asked.
"Yes, of course! It's not like me to lie and be manipulative!"
"Alex, what is your power?" Evolution Boy asked.
"I can't do it, I just can't, it's just too dangerous to do it in here."
"What if you did it outside?" Evolution Boy suggested. Everyone else chimed in, pressuring Alex into using his powers even though he just told them it was too dangerous. Finally, he stepped through the broken window, avoiding the shards of glass, and stepping over the unconscious man covered in barf.
"Hey guys, wouldn't it be cool if we all leaned over and looked around the corner at Alex as he does his thing? That wouldn't be cliche at all!" Raven said.
After Alex had made it a considerable difference away from the statue, he took aim, and let loose with his cosmic powers. He missed pretty badly, and wound up hitting the unconscious man instead, vaporizing him instantly. "Darn it, that was what happened last time I used my powers!"
"I hope he wasn't anyone important," said Old Yeller.
"That's what your name should be!" Raven exclaimed. "Tragic!"
That was it! What did you think? Was it funny? Is it worth it to try to reclaim the original files (which might not be possible) or to rewrite it from scratch? Let me know in the comments!